Ian and Tony's Story

Ian first came to us as part of our Wellbeing Centre, later spending time on our In-Patient Unit when he needed more specialist care. His husband, Tony, kindly shared their experience with us, reflecting on the support and respect they both received throughout their time at our hospice.

“I just want to let you know how much we have valued and appreciated you and your team's support over this past year.

The Wellbeing service was our first point of contact with the hospice on 19 August last year when we met with yourself and Chloe for a chat and a look around the facilities that the hospice offered. We knew straight away that this was the place that Ian and I wanted to engage in for the last year of Ian's life. As a gay couple it was vitally important to us that we felt at ease and respected as a couple. It was never once an issue and we are truly grateful for that acceptance as it is not always a given that that will be the case. Thank you.

The support that Ian and I received was exceptional and I truly believe that it extended his life by months as he was really quite unwell when he first attended. The complimentary therapies he received helped him relax and learn to accept his diagnosis. He looked forward to each session with your team of dedicated staff and volunteers. The men’s group was a surprisingly huge support to him. As a gay man Ian felt that he would not fit in, as is quite often the case, but he loved that group so much. He connected with everyone right from the outset. He laughed and cried with people that he never imagined that he would sit and talk to. He had a “you and me the same” connection with everyone which is so important with someone with a life limiting illness.

These groups didn’t just offer the one or two hour session at the hospice, it was the connections made with other patients and communications at 10pm at night or 7am on a Saturday morning when the group members texted or called each other for support. This was hugely important to be able to talk to people that knew exactly what you meant and had total empathy with your condition.

For me, as Ian’s husband, likewise. The support I received was exceptional and quite unexpected. I didn’t realise how much support would be offered to partners of the patients and this was massively appreciated. For my own mindfulness with the complimentary therapies and the opportunity to speak to someone if I needed to, at anytime, was quite unbelievable. To see Ian engaging in this support and being cared for was peace for me knowing that he was going to be alright was a blessing.

Ian died on 29 July this year but even the day before his death your team came to us both and offered massage and support to us which was so calming and peaceful. Ian died a very dignified death in the inpatient unit and between the medical team there and the wellbeing team we could not have hoped for anything better and can only thank you all sincerely for everything that the whole team at the hospice have done and continue to do for us.”

Learn more about our services and how we support patients like Ian at https://www.teessidehospice.org/our-work/